Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Mother's day??

One of the Dr.'s came in today and told me that there is a possibility they will let me wait it out until 35 weeks. It all really depends on the baby, if he is doing ok in there. if not  am sure they will veto their decision and get him right out. If he makes it until 35 weeks (mothers day) it will be so great! Maybe only a short time in the ICN!
A few things that make it tricky. A. the bleeding, I have had about three episodes where I will bleed and cramp for a few days, the last being worse than eve. It has stopped, although my amniotic fluid is still peach tinged, so maybe right there ready to go full force again. Also the baby has his cord in a precarious spot. Around his head...when they are doing the NST his heart rate will drop. Yesterday they came running in...not sure if this means they will knock me out and do a c section of if they will try and get me to change positions...don't know...anyway. These things make it not a sure thing.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Feeling blue

I feel sad today. Missing Easter with the family is hard. I usually make a big ham dinner and do the Easter baskets for the kids. I feel like my kids don't even know me anymore. Naomi won't even really come to me anymore. They kids don't even say they miss me anymore. I feel like it's going to be hard when I come back home.
I am glad that the baby is staying put and all seems to be well. But I am torn at what to do when he is born. Obviously they are going to "kick" me out two or three days after he comes, do I stay here in the ICN or do I stay at the David house? (like a Ronald McDonald house) do I rent a hotel room so I can at least have some privacy? Do I go home and drive down every night? I just don't know. The way they are talking he will have to stay at least 3-4 weeks, longer if there are complications. So much to think about. This whole thing is just so hard. I am going to make sure I never have another baby! I am so done, it's just too hard on the family. At times I wish I never got pregnant. I feel kind of distant from the baby, I feel afraid to care about him. I will have to leave hi with strangers, he will have tubes and wires hooked up. I won't be able to breast feed him on my schedule. I feel like it's not even my many emotions. And then I feel like I lost my other  kids. It hurts so bad.
I am dreading his birth, really dreading it. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I am very angry right now and I cannot describe it

So, ya, I have a roommate, and it couldn't be worse...white trash begins to describe them...right now they are having an argument about swearing and she swears as much as he does!
I am forced to listen to rap until 11 at night, constantly watch either USA or MTV and the whole family is here! Mom, Dad, 20 year old b/f....ahhhhh!
The end of the tunnel is Friday when she is going to be induced, but then who knows if I will have to get another roommate?
Did I mention really loud cell phones? With really loud ring tones...ya, try to take a nap...><